Isn’t it quite funny how I find myself back here every now and then? When I have nothing else to do and nowhere else to turn. I’m terrified, frightened and scared to death of the future. I don’t want to live with Kris Schill. I’m afraid of her. Of all my teachers, she was the most strict. And I never agreed with a lot of her rules and viewpoints which made them very hard to follow. And now…to go live with her! How could I possibly measure up…how will I ever be good enough.
If this drama has taught me anything it is that I am not perfect. Granted, I already knew that but this enforces it. And its a lesson I don’t like to be taught. I fear that every time someone criticizes me that they hate me for messing up. I am reading a Star Wars book and there was this little segment about how a Jedi always takes advice graciously because it is a chance to learn more, yada, yada. I can never get that into my head. I just think the person is out to get me. But then when they compliment me I think they are either just plain lying or have an ulterior motive. I really have issues.
That lack of self-esteem. O Crankshaw, if you only knew how much I really could use that counseling. I almost wish she wasn’t joking about it. Is it covered in my health benefits? Lol
I really need to go to bed. Perhaps it will look better in the morning. Yeah, I’ve been saying that for the last 20 years…
