Wasting my life away May 5, 2008

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question.

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What does next year have in store for me?
Romeo and Juliet (Soo…I find my true love and then die…fun)

What’s my love life like?

For Reasons Unknown (O jeez)

What do I say when life gets tough
As You Wish (Yup…)

What do u think of on waking up?
Til You Come Back to Me

What song will I dance to at my wedding?
The Ballad of Sweeney Todd (Ooo that’s festive)

What do you want as a career?
Holmes in Europe ( Exactly!)

Your favorite saying?
Anything is Possible (That is so not true, I’m a pessimist)

Favorite place?
I’m Still Here (Lol)

What do you think of your parents?
Here I am (sounds like my fave place)

What’s your Pornstar name?
Crush (Ha!)

Where would you go on a first date?
Grey Gardens (but that’s a sad place…)

Describe yourself:
Count Grassi’s Passage over Piedmont (Yup, I like to travel and I want to die on a warm July afternoon lol)

What is the thing i like doing most?
Christ the Lord is Risen Today!

The song that best describes my school principal?
Strollin’ On the Water (Yeah, I doubt it)

What is my state of mind like at the moment?
Ready to Take the Chance Again (more like the opposite, ready to give up again)

How will I die?

God, that’s Good! (Does that mean I’ll get baked into a meatpie!)

Ok, yeah I was bored.

 

May 5, 2008

Isn’t it quite funny how I find myself back here every now and then? When I have nothing else to do and nowhere else to turn. I’m terrified, frightened and scared to death of the future. I don’t want to live with Kris Schill. I’m afraid of her. Of all my teachers, she was the most strict. And I never agreed with a lot of her rules and viewpoints which made them very hard to follow. And now…to go live with her! How could I possibly measure up…how will I ever be good enough.

If this drama has taught me anything it is that I am not perfect. Granted, I already knew that but this enforces it. And its a lesson I don’t like to be taught. I fear that every time someone criticizes me that they hate me for messing up. I am reading a Star Wars book and there was this little segment about how a Jedi always takes advice graciously because it is a chance to learn more, yada, yada. I can never get that into my head. I just think the person is out to get me. But then when they compliment me I think they are either just plain lying or have an ulterior motive. I really have issues.

That lack of self-esteem. O Crankshaw, if you only knew how much I really could use that counseling. I almost wish she wasn’t joking about it. Is it covered in my health benefits? Lol

 

I really need to go to bed. Perhaps it will look better in the morning. Yeah, I’ve been saying that for the last 20 years…